I'm leaving you. I know we've been together for years and I've tried to walk away before but this time I mean it.
You've lured me back with your sexy sleekness, and your promises of portals of perfection. But, darling cultural icon - you lied. When I tried to hold you in my hands, your sleek to the eye, oh so desirable curves crashed to the floor of Starbucks shattering that shiny screen into a thousand pieces. Enter the life proof case, the otter box, tanks of protection that won't fit in a pocket, a purse, or a gun holster.
No doubt I've become a mac girl and I'm not going back. Too many years of not having to start up, shut down, hire security, save a file, only to get my hard-drive ate up with gremlins from Mars kicked me out of the hp bed. But getting you as a mac companion was supposed to make my life so easy, so easy, so easy by making it possible for me to live in perfect syncopation with my files, my apps, my tunes, and that latest pinterest travel pic.
Not so. Nothing is synced and I've tolerated this in our relationship for too long.
My husband asks his droid a question. His droid answers in three languages with perfection. I ask you a question such as . . .
Siri, please find me directions to Demo's.
River, I don't understand what you are requiring of me.
Siri, search the net for demo's.
River, net demonstrations are 2.50 a dozen in China.
Yesterday was the final straw when I caught an old news story about how Apple signed with Bing to be your search engine.
They're too late. Google knows everything about everybody everywhere. They intend to rule the world. Then Mars. Everyone knows this. No one even knows how to find their way home anymore without google.
So, I think you should know right up front, even while our contract lingers - I intend to date other models I think it's only fair. I'm taking a galaxy to the beach. A droid to dinner. Signing up for a speed date night at a new tech show.
Let's face it, The elation of that first moment we met, the first time I held you in my hand, lifted you to my ear, and said - Hello has faded into a jumble of apps that need to be updated, a dead battery and Siri stalking me with bing pings.
Yes, I still love that bite out shy way you have on captivating in the looks department. But honey, I'm older now, and it takes a little more to wow me these days. Make that much more. Something solid and substantial. I need an intuitive engine that purrs responses and gets me to the bone. One that understands my needs and can always understand me and help me find my way home in a storm.
So, baby, as much as I hate it, you've got to go.